Did you know there’s a vaccine for chicken pox?

How very silly, you might say. It’s a childhood disease that nearly everyone gets, it’s not all that serious in the long term, and it’s certainly not worth the possible dangers of a vaccine. The usual suspects howl about how stupid the human race is for trying to prevent a malady that is, except in rare and special cases, an inconvenience at worst.

These people are stupid. And so was I.

For a variety of reasons, I didn’t get vaccinated when I heard it was possible to do so.

1. I have a mild bias against early adoption of technology — any technology. It is often expensive and buggy. When the bugs in question are health-related, I get the heebie-jeebies.

2. It’s not free. Conditioned by the shoddy health care system in the US, I tend not to seek medical assistance until it becomes clear I will die unless I consult a professional. (In most cases, this is the first point at which it becomes possible to have such consultations covered by one’s insurance. If one is lucky enough to have coverage.)

3. I am one of three children in my immediate family, and we were all put through public school. The middle sister caught chicken pox in school (and had a nasty case), dutifully passed it to the youngest (who suffered less), and we all waited patiently for me to catch it. I believe I sprouted a zit, but nothing else happened. We assumed I’d “had a mild case” and was one of those rare and happy people who acquired immunity without the suffering. (This is instantly recognizable as a manifestation of the “unique snowflake” fallacy.)

Fast forward to New Year’s, when someone who thought they or their child was too good to immunize (or quarantine) wandered onto a plane with their poxy plague. I, unsuspecting, arrived back at my house with a health disaster ticking like a time bomb.

You who have had chicken pox know what it’s like. It must be tough for a kid. Now imagine being a full-grown adult with no clue what is happening. I panicked. It’s easy to panic in the grips of full-on chicken pox. I washed everything in hypo-allergenic detergent, stopped eating, and frantically searched my memory for any evidence of anything that might have triggered a sudden and violent allergic reaction. I went to the student health center, where a nurse told me surely I was allergic to something, and I should come back and see the dermatologist next week.

“But there’s nothing I could possibly be allergic to. I’m not taking anything, I washed everything I’m wearing and sleep on, the person I share a bed with is completely unafflicted, I’m not eating anything anyone has any documented allergy to, and yet it gets worse.”

“There there, obviously you’re allergic to something.”

Left with only the possibility that I was violently and itchily allergic to the air, I went home and drugged myself until the itching went away on its own. It did. Eventually. Along with the fever (which the nurse hadn’t thought to check for). When I looked up the progress of chicken pox in adults (it begins with fever, headache, and feeling like crap a couple days before the pox themselves show up — check, verified by the Wanderer), everything matched up. Including the 11-20 day incubation period which matches perfectly with the hypothesis of exposure when I travel(l)ed.

The good news: it goes away on its own. The bad news: it only goes away on its own.

Now that I’ve regained some sanity, I can see how people might say, “It’s only a few days of hell, no need to get a vaccine.” But what a few days it was…especially with no clue what was happening and useless assurances that it was probably some allergy I hadn’t thought of.

If you’ve never had chicken pox or gotten the vaccine, go get vaccinated. Do it this week. Don’t be an idiot like I was.

(PS: That list of vaccinations the Wanderer was required to have before entering on his K3? Yep, varicella was on the list. Now we know why immigrants are required to have it. So when their moron spouse gets chicken pox, they can take care of him/her.)

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